Recently, I was asked by a college ministry to write about my one biggest mistake. I’ve been racking my brain trying to narrow it down to only one. I mean, let’s be honest, I’ve made a lot of them.
Then, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. My biggest mistake was immodesty. Dressing immodestly, behaving immodestly, and speaking immodestly.
I didn’t really start living an immodest lifestyle until I went to college. After all, when I lived under my parent’s roof things were very controlled. When I went to school I lived by the standards I wanted to because I could. I was able to dress, speak, and behave any way I decided.
So, that’s exactly what I did.
I started by dressing immodestly, which led me to an unhealthy desire for attention from men, which led to a lot of partying. The partying led to tons of drinking, which of course, led to bad decision making. Part of my bad decision making led to becoming sexually active with guys that I (maybe) dated. Eventually, all of that sex led to an unplanned pregnancy.
That unplanned pregnancy led to my first abortion. Since I had sufficiently justified the sin of my abortion and those leading up to it, I was eager to work inside the abortion industry, which only furthered my sins and justifications. Now, I shared this dirty secret with a man who was a complete loser. Not only did we share that secret, but we shared a bond through sexual intimacy.
I mistakenly perceived that sexual bond to be love and eventually married him. Since my new husband didn’t respect God, me or sex, he ended up cheating on me. That led to a quick (Hollywood-style) marriage, which ended in divorce. Even though the marriage was never good from the beginning, I was heartbroken nonetheless. At that point, I carried the label “divorcee” with me wherever I went. That led to embarrassment.
That embarrassment led to panic when I found out I was pregnant with my ex-husband’s child. Since I couldn’t stand him and I didn’t want anything to do with him, I decided to have another abortion. By this point, I had already been immersed in the Planned Parenthood abortion culture. That second abortion only deepened my resolve for the “right to choose.” That deepened resolve led me to quickly rise through the ranks of our country’s largest abortion provider, Planned Parenthood.
Do you see how my life could have been totally different? Hindsight really is 20/20.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the type of gal who sits around and focuses on the “what ifs.” In the end, those don’t matter. What really matters is what you do with your life once you realize how wrong you have been.
But, let’s just go there for a second. What if I had protected my body, my mind, and my heart from immodesty?
It’s possible I never would have engaged in that sexual relationship that led me to becoming pregnant in the first place. It wouldn’t have led me to the abortion clinic. And, maybe if I hadn’t chosen abortion, I wouldn’t have felt compelled to work in the abortion industry. And then, maybe I wouldn’t have participated in taking the lives away from 20,000 unborn babies.
Who knows? Maybe it wouldn’t have mattered. My guess, is if I would have respected myself more, if I had valued my sexuality, I wouldn’t have become entangled in those situations in the first place.
I don’t want to lecture or scold you. I’m just saying to be mindful of others with the way you dress and the way you act. Who are you trying to attract with your clothing, your behavior, and or your words? What type of people are you actually attracting?
This isn’t just a lesson for women, either. You aren’t getting off the hook here, guys. Women dress and behave they way they do primarily because they think that’s what YOU want. Show them that you want something different. Show them that you want a virtuous woman, who strives for modesty, who lives to please God over any man.
I bet that if men changed the way they acted towards women, women’s behavior would also change. Just a thought.
I am incredibly blessed with a wonderful husband and four amazing kiddos, and I have a job I love. I couldn’t ask for a better life. However, my life is also filled with the mistakes from my past, mistakes that I will live with for the rest of my life.
Seek better things. Seek Godly things. Seek honorable things. Don’t waste your life trying to conform to society. It’s much cooler to be different anyway.
This was a very informative post and I was with you up until "socially awkward homeschooled kid". Do you know many homeschooled kids? Because they are some of the coolest (and, yes, modest) people I know.
Cindy Coker says
Thank you for your honesty, Abby. That was a very brave thing to confess. The truth is, your story is so common. Your decision to be immodest hinged on the same thing it did and does for most of us. We want to be accepted by the people around us. We want to be cool and popular. Even Christians, or professing Christians get trapped in this social dilemma. If more people like you would talk about their mistakes with young people and show them where it all leads, preferably with the help of Scripture, it might impact at least some of them to make better choices for themselves, because the easy route leads to a mirage of what you want, while the Godly route leads to the real thing. And to JS…. I don’t think she was condemning homeschooling. I’m sure there are plenty who are socially well adapted. But there’s probably some, if they’ve been isolated too much, that would be socially awkward. There’s no one size fits all in anything. She was obviously speaking about those who have lived very sheltered lives in addition to homeschooling. But I agree with you . There are plenty of terrific homeschooled kids. And it’s often the only responsible choice for parents in many areas. Anyway, thanks again Abby. ~ Cindy